


Drained and vulnerable

by luna_dd



Series: Love and respect [3]
Category: DAKAICHI (Anime), 抱かれたい男1位に脅されています。 | Dakaretai Otoko Ichii ni Odosarete Imasu (Manga)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Depression but we don't name it, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mildly Dubious Consent, Omg and they were quarantined, Unhealthy Relationships, but i guess i failed, i don't know how to tag, i tried to make Azumaya Junta a decent human being
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:02:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luna_dd/pseuds/luna_dd
Summary: Takato loved the view, it wasn't something he was consciously considering looking for their shared apartment but it was a pleasant surprise. Some nights he would lay sleeplessly, with Junta's hot breath against his neck, strong arm around his waist keeping him close, observing the distorted lights of the city.There were also nights when Junta would gently fuck him against that very floor to ceiling window, whispering filthy things into Takato's ear."You are so beautiful, Takato-san. Part of me wishes the entire world could see you now. Taking me so nicely. So good for me." Accenting every word with a deep thrust of his hips. Making Takato thank God that they lived high enough so that one would actually see them. "Mine."Takato discovered how easy it was to let Junta do whatever the man wanted and to let himself be taken apart by his actions and put back together by his declarations of love.
Relationships: Azumaya Junta/Saijou Takato
Series: Love and respect [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678954
Comments: 21
Kudos: 108





	Drained and vulnerable

**Author's Note:**

> me: gets crazy uncomfortable writing characters kissing  
> also me: writes this *vaguely gesticulates with her hands*
> 
> The summary is too long and I'm- i believe this thing is needlessly sexual but it's just a thing between those two *shrugs*
> 
> highly recommend reading previous parts and find me @luna-ddicted on tumblr if you want

They moved in together.

In the end it was inevitable, not after Sasaki helped Takato realise that all his arguments (he only had one anyway) against it were stupid and fundamentally false. Takato chose three apartments from the catalogue, but in the end it was Junta who made the decision between them and finalised the buy. For some silly reason Takato just couldn't bring himself to do it himself.

Their apartment was lovely. Pretty empty, but they were still in the process of decorating it, of making the space theirs. From his previous apartment Takato only took his clothes and a handful of photo frames. He insisted however on Junta moving all his plants from his old place. The green helped him relax.

Sasaki offered to help with the sale or rent of their old apartments but Takato politely refused. "I might still want to pick up some things later," he lied. "I'll take care of it when I'm sure I won't need anything from there anymore".

He kept the keys in the drawer of his bedside table.

In a way nothing has changed from the times he would crash at Junta's place six nights out of seven. They would still sleep and wake up together, eat breakfast, lunch or dinner (sometimes Junta would pull Takato to sit on his lap and handfeed him) and have sex. The only thing that had changed was the furniture and the view behind the window.

Takato loved the view, it wasn't something he was consciously considering looking for their shared apartment but it was a pleasant surprise. Some nights he would lay sleeplessly, with Junta's hot breath against his neck, strong arm around his waist keeping him close, observing the distorted lights of the city.

There were also nights when Junta would gently fuck him against that very floor to ceiling window, whispering filthy things into Takato's ear.

"You are so beautiful, Takato-san. Part of me wishes the entire world could see you now. Taking me so nicely. So good for me." Accenting every word with a deep thrust of his hips. Making Takato thank God that they lived high enough so that one would actually see them. "Mine." 

Takato discovered how easy it was to let Junta do whatever the man wanted and to let himself be taken apart by his actions and put back together by his declarations of love.

He was _His_

They already had a routine in the new apartment ( _their apartment,_ Junta loved to repeat that it belonged to the two of them), juggling work, personal life and sex , when things in the entire world went south with the pandemic and they were forced to self quarantine.

And now He could not only claim Takato his with his words, he would mark him too. They were trapped together and no one would see the hickeys making their way around Takato’s neck like a necklace, angry bruises on his collarbones, violent love marks on the inside of his tights. No one would see. No one would know.

 _Not like them knowing changed anything_ , Takato thought when Junta hung above him, keeping himself up with just one hand because the second one was tracing fresh marks on Takato's chest.

 _It was fine_ he never agreed to Junta's sucking and biting his pale skin but there was no reason for him to say no, if all their productions were halted no one would see it. _It was fine._

Takato threw his arms up and interlaced them at the back of Junta's neck pulling him close enough for their lips to meet. His body was so hot, or maybe it was just Takato being cold all the time those days. The green around them helped him remain calm when Junta's lips left his and started wandering lower and lower, until he swallowed him whole.

_No one would know_

By now they have fucked on almost every surface in their apartment. The only place unchristened with their body fluids was the bathroom. Junta tried to introduce the idea of shower sex on a multiple occasions but it was the only line Takato managed to stop him from crossing. The only one he could draw too. The sheer idea of being with Junta in there and having sex _pressed against bathroom tiles, with no lube_ filled him with anxiety. It was almost funny. Takato would shamelessly grind against Junta's hips in bed, chasing his own release, only to sneak into the bathroom to wash himself when his partner was preparing them a meal. Always making sure he locked the door and ignoring Junta's knocking.

"I already showered" became his regular excuse that Junta started frowning upon.

Junta caressed his cheek and left him thoroughly spent in the sheets. Takato curled on his side, pulling on the blankets to cover himself. Through the window he could see the night sky but no matter how beautiful it was, he found it difficult to keep his eyes open. He was tired. His mind was slowly drifting off out of consciousness when Junta came back and knelt beside him on the floor.

“Takato-san,” he said softly. “Come with me, I ran you a bath.”

Takato could tell that his boyfriend was saying something but he was too sleepy to make out the meaning behind the words. He whined.

“Noooo, sleep. Come to bed.” He grabbed Junta’s wrist and tried to pull him closer, to lay behind him, to warm him up, but the man didn’t budge. Instead he pushed the blankets off Takato’s body, running his big hands against his side and scooped him bridal style. Takato didn't have it himself to protest, instead he rested a heavy head against Junta's chest. He was falling asleep again when Junta put him down in hot water. 

Takato let himself be engulfed by the heat, hoping it would reach the core of his soul, making him feel like a human again.

The water reached up to his chest and smelled of lavender. _I love lavender,_ he thought idly, letting his head loll back against the edge. He could hear something, someone, moving by his side but he paid it no attention until a set of arms gently guided him to sit more straight.

Takato pouted when some water was poured on top of his head, wetting his hair.

Person beside him giggled at that and Takato's heart melted at the sound. It made him imagine an angel watching children playing, carefree and innocent. He wanted to hear more of it. Maybe if he heard it more often he wouldn't be so cold all the time.

More water was poured over his head, running down his face and Takato blinked a few times out of reflex.

He looked around and there were beige tiles all around him and the person by his side was Junta. _pressed against..._ Suddenly he couldn't breathe. The man was saying something, Takato could see his mouth moving but all he could hear was high pitch ringing in his ears. He shot his arms to the sides, grasping tightly on the edges of the bathtub until his knuckles turned white, _no way to run away, no way to hide._ He heaved, taking in shallow breaths that hurt his lungs.

Junta reached for his hand and started massaging little circles on top of Takato's hand with his thumb until his grip on the edge loosened. He then took it up to his face and set a kiss on his ring finger. Takato eyes darted around the room, replaying what happened here last time. _pressed against bathroom tiles, with no lube,_ a hand cupped his chin and tilted his head until he met Junta's eyes.

_without a care for his screams and trashing_

He flinched and threw his entire body back, slamming into the bathtub wall. 

_Stating that running away only made him want more._

Junta's eyes were full of worry. His lips were still moving, he was still saying something Takato couldn't hear. Junta hasn’t let go of his hand and returned to massaging it and Takato chose to focus on that sensation. Small part of his brain recognised that he was having an anxiety attack, that it wasn't that night and it wasn't even the same place and that he had to _breathe_ so he focused on mimicking the movements of Junta’s chest. The ringing in his ears was slowly dying out and he could finally hear the _man who loved him_ trying to calm him down and instructed him on breathing technique.

“... two, three and breath out for two, three, four, five, in for one, two, three, four, and hold…”

It was nice, hearing Junta’s voice was nice and it helped him come back. Still it took him a few long minutes before he could finally relax his shoulders and slumped back into the water. It was still warm.

“I’m sorry” was the first thing that made it past his lips.

“No, no, don’t apologize to me.” Junta kissed his palm with the smallest smile that got Takato’s heart clenching. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I wanted to do something nice for you but I guess I got you overwhelmed.”

“It’s fine.”

“Is it okay if I still give you a bath? Or would you rather go back to bed?”

“It's fine”

With his permission Junta cupped his palms to pour the water over his head again and shampooed his hair, massaging Takato’s scalp with the fingertips. He helped him submerge his head under water to rinse it off and applied a conditioner. He then took a loofa and washed his body, every now and then planting a chaste kiss on Takato’s shoulder or his temple. He wanted to kiss him for real, wanted to taste his lover again, wanted to leave a mark on his naked shoulder. To finger him open and have him squirming under his touch, to make him hard and asking for a release. But he realised now was not the right moment.

So he finished the bath, forcing his hands not to linger for too long on any part of Takato’s body and after rinsing the conditioner from his hair, helped him out of the bathtub. All those months they’ve been together he’s probably never seen Takato look so drained and vulnerable.

“Can I dry you with a towel or do you want to do it yourself?” Takato nodded so Junta waited a few seconds, unsure as to which question he was agreeing too, but when the man didn’t make any move to take the towel from his hands he guessed it must have been the first one.

He carefully threw a smaller towel over his lover’s head and used another one to pet his body dry. He was so beautiful. There were nights when Junta would wake up in the middle of the night thinking it was all just a dream, those nights he would cling to Takato tighter than ever, taking in his presence, breathing in the smell of his sweat. This beautiful man belonged to him. 

Takato was towering over him, when he knelt on the floor to run a towel over his legs. It would be so easy to kiss his hips in that position and then maybe to kiss his length and play with it. He almost moaned imagining Takato’s fingers tangled in his hair controlling the tempo that he bobbed his head in. The hand holding the towel experimentally stayed longer between his legs and Junta looked up to see Takato’s reaction. He half expected flushed cheeks and tired but hungry gaze, instead he saw empty eyes welling up with tears.

Without a word he grabbed Takato’s both hands and dropping the towels along the way, he guided his lover back to the bedroom, sitting him down on the bed. From the chest of drawers he pulled the fluffiest sweater he knew of and a fresh pair of boxers. When Takato was clothed he sat beside him and gave him a one handed hug.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

There was a long pause before he got an answer.

“No.” Small smile on Junta’s face faltered

“It’s okay” he forced himself to assure Takato. “But if you change your mind I will be here to listen.”

Takato nodded quietly and Junta left him for the second time this evening to pick up towels and clean the bathtub. Out of another man’s sight, he grinded his teeth. He wanted to know, whatever it was that was troubling Takato-san - he wanted to know, he wanted to be a part of it. There was only this much he could do to help without knowing what was wrong.

He noticed that Takato was less responsive and quieter. He would eat less and curl up in the blankets despite the heating in their apartment being on. He didn’t have a fever - they checked for it daily - he was just constantly cold. Junta blamed it on the stress coming from the unusual situation the entire world, and the two of them with it, has fallen into. Junta knew his partner had some history with anxiety disorder and he suspected it might have been affecting him now. Takato was a workaholic suddenly forced to stay inside and just… do nothing.

That’s why he wanted to do something nice for him. That’s why seeing how Takato retreated further away from him and has barely spoken a dozen words during the entire day he wanted to run him a bath. To help him relax and unwind (he got something entirely different though)

It didn’t make any sense, Junta shook his head returning to the bedroom where Takato had already cocooned himself with a duvet. On Junta’s side of the bed laid a spare one, taken out of the linen closet. 

“Are you that cold, Takato-san?” He chuckled and crawled beside the man, reaching to wrap his arms around him and to pull him closer. The smaller body twitched when he touched it.

“Please don’t touch me tonight.” Takato asked in a weak voice. Junta’s heart sank and he couldn’t find words to answer. “Just tonight. And… and ask me again tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really planned on those two talking in this part but honestly this was kinda draining so I just... didn't *shrugs*  
> (i'm tired, like depressed person being an essential worker during the pandemic times tired. i try to cope with writing but hey it's not really working in the long run. I slept for eleven hours today and I hated it.)


End file.
